Inadequacy

¹ See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. ² Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when Christ appears,^[a] we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. ³ All who have this hope in him purify themselves, just as he is pure.
 ⁴ Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness. ⁵ But you know that he appeared so that he might take away our sins. And in him is no sin. ⁶ No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.
 ⁷ Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. ⁸ The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. ⁹ No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. ¹⁰ This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.
 ¹¹ For this is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. ¹²Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother’s were righteous. ¹³ Do not be surprised, my brothers and sisters,^[b] if the world hates you. ¹⁴ We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love each other. Anyone who does not love remains in death. ¹⁵ Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him. ¹⁶ This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
 ¹⁹ This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: ²⁰ If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. ²¹ Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God ²² and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. ²³ And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. ²⁴ The one who keeps God’s commands lives in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.






God loves us.




God's love is not safe.


God's love is good.

Now show me your glory.

Exodus 33


 ¹² Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me, 'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' ¹³ If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people." ¹⁴ The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."
 ¹⁵ Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. ¹⁶How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"
 ¹⁷ And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."
 ¹⁸ Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."
 ¹⁹ And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. ²⁰ But," he said, "you cannot see my face, for no one may see me and live."
 ²¹ Then the LORD said, "There is a place near me where you may stand on a rock. ²² When my glory passes by, I will put you in a cleft in the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. ²³ Then I will remove my hand and you will see my back; but my face must not be seen."




Blows my mind. I hope to write more on the topic soon, but I should really be writing about the determination of pKa1 and pKa2 of an unknown diprotic acid. Because right now, science is winning.

Muspatch

To summarize my life since my last post, I have done many things.

My hand smells like an onion. A tribute to Shannon.

Well, since pretty much all of my freinds' recent blog updates mention Shannon in the title, I figured I should do the same. It has been quite a while since my last update. And July is almost over. Sir Thomas Ian Boundy paid me a visit on my student mentor's last day in the lab, right before I left for North Carolina. Lots of changes at that time, but it was really good to see him and get a little preview of what this next semester will look like as we room together. I'm stoked. During that time, we met with the pastor of a church about possibly taking youth pastor positions for the next school year. It could be awesome, but I'm worried of over-commitment. Don't want to spread myself too thin, you know? Prayer in this matter would be appreciated as the deadline to make a decision rapidly approaches. Cool.

This is [a] song I'm listening to as I write this post. I enjoy it, and I want to share with you.

The next morning, I gave a presentation on my work so far at that point. I really enjoyed it, but was incredibly glad to be done with it. It was challenging to stand in front of a room of educated people and peers to talk about something that they all understood way better than I did, but I really felt good about it. Nothing like a nice chat about solid-phase microextraction coupled with gas chromatography-mass spectrometry to clear the head.

Then, I went to North Carolina to rendezvous with the other Fullers in celebration of my grandparents' sixtieth wedding anniversary. That's right - sixty years. They're pretty awesome. It was really nice to chat with them and get to know them a little better, especially since I find that I now respect them even more than when I was younger. Their love for God and others is overwhelming. I like that.

As far as I know, I had more science for the week, then joined my parents in San Diego for the weekend. See, my parents have this great tradition of taking awesome vacations without the kids during church camp. This year, since I did not have church camp, I was able to participate in part of their awesome vacation by boogie boarding, bike riding, and eating great meals at Mission Beach. It was the first *real* vacation I feel I've had in a long time. The following weekend, I visited them again for Friday night and Saturday morning, which was great. After that, I visited a vacationing high school friend, Kyle Thomas, in Newport. I like that kid.

More recently, Sam came out to Malibu for volleyball camp. He is hilarious, and I enjoyed our brotherly bonding, which mostly consisted of sitting naked around a campfire telling stories about animals we've bested. Or just hanging out, watching movies and going to the beach. One of those. Regardless, while Sam was busy at volleyball camp, I was able to visit the Getty Center in LA with the chem students and professors. I totally nerded out - I actually felt a trace of jealousy in the gas chromatography lab in the conservation institute there. And their scanning electron microscope blew my mind. God's design is so beautifully intricate. Also, I learned that I can now appreciate art. Later, while Sam was still at camp, I had a chance to relax and do nothing but sit and think. I needed that.

Now, I'm writing this in between drafts of my presentation for tomorrow. And then, I come home. I'm ready.

And I've been learning a lot lately. The past month has been good for teaching me about myself and how to deal with people. God answers prayer. And, I'm learning tons about the responsibility of knowledge. A song someone close shared with me has the following lyrics: "Now that I have seen, I am responsible / Faith without deeds is dead."

And that probably feels like it's just tacked onto the end of this post, but I simply don't have the time or energy to share everything I've learned in the past month right now. If you talk to me, I'd be glad to share more.

And now, to address the title. My hand smell(s/ed?) like an onion. Cooking is cool. Except onions kind of smell bad. And this post has been a smorgasbord of random thoughts. What I mean by that is this...

If you feel like dancing, dance with me.

Hermitry: a Definition. Or not.

I think this is what I'm going for. And when I google searched for this picture, its title was "Arizona Mountain Man." So, I think it works.

The reason I write this post, though, is because it's convenient. Before, explaining what exactly my "hermitry" was was almost pointless. I may have been up to all sorts of shenanigans in Fiji and whatnot, but I was very much with other people. But now, I'm at Pepperdine. Campus life is very different - it's empty here. I knew this fact prior to my departure, so I told those closer to me that I would be spending the summer relatively alone - a mountain man. Or a hermit, if you will. Since I have now had a chance to explore what it's like to be a mountain man in Malibu, my blog's url now can make sense.

I've been busy this summer. I had about a week and a half at home, which was a much-needed "break" from the rush of things. But it wasn't much of a break at all. Jess graduated from high school, Gruess came rafting with my family (minus Jess) in Utah, the two of us explored Phoenix, Sam and I played volleyball, and Copper wimped out on a walk to the park. Here are some highlights from the trip (can it be called a trip if I was home for most of it?).

Sam, Dad, Grace and I went hiking at the second campsite, and we found this AWESOME pool. It was a ways up, far from the naked people down at the lower pools - not too hot, not too cold (actually, it was cold for me, but I freeze easily). And, we got to jump off the tiny "cliff" on the right. It was great.

Off the river.

Yay Cassie!

Okay, so I know I said I would give highlights of my visit at home, but the camera was only really out for the first half of being there. The rest of the time was spent (mostly) with family and (partly) with friends. And vehicle searching - very tedious. Then, off to Pepperdine.

SO MUCH SCIENCE

Working in the lab has been crazy. My boss/professor, Dr. Ganske, is probably one of the most intelligent people ever. And the guy who trained me, Andrew, is one of three students in next year's class of M.D./Ph.D. students at USC. So it's been a blessing to be surrounded by such intelligent people - I've been learning a TON. The official title of my project (actually, Andrew and Dr. Ganske's project, but I'm helping to finish it up) is something like The Application of Headspace Solid-Phase Micro-Extraction Coupled with Gas Chromatography-Mass Spectrometry to Non-Intrusively Characterize the Aging of Rare Books. On a side-note, many of the papers I read on the subject are from Europe or South America, where people spell "aging" "ageing." This bothers me. Today (somewhat relative since I've been working on this post for about a week and a half now), I actually discovered something significant for my project. I feel pretty good. Yay.

On weekends is when the hermitry happens. Malibu is beautiful, and I like to explore, whether that's by (attempting) surfing, hiking in Malibu Creek State Park, or... Okay, so I haven't been the best at being a hermit this summer, but I don't feel too bad about that. Hermitry can be nice and peaceful, but I also enjoy being with others.

Doing things like

Visiting Coach Mann at an Anaheim tournament (my coach from high school).

Going to NC to see the "other" Fullers.

Hanging out with Noah and his/our friends.

Getting food with visiting friends.

Summer UM.

Eating.

And I realize that I may have completely deviated from what I originally set out to do with this post, but that's what I get for not cranking it out in one sitting.

And I can't really even grow facial hair, so what's the point?

Home

Before I start, I would like to share something. I discovered this on Pandora Radio while trying to read for my chemistry research. I bought the whole album, which will be the soundtrack for this post. Sort of.

So, it's been a while since my last update. This post is about home, and ironically enough, I'm not home. Or am I? I hope to explore what home means and how the concept of home can change.

Home is not one place. At least not for me. To give a small example, I found myself at home in Fiji. Yes, I was in a third world country, thousands of miles from Ahwatukee, Arizona. Somehow, though, I felt at home. To be honest, I'm not quite sure why I felt that way. Probably, home has a lot to do with where we feel we belong. And I felt like I belonged in Fiji. God put me there for a reason, and that's about all I needed.

Yet, while I was in Fiji, I felt a longing to go home. Home is not necessarily where you live. Yes, I felt a sense of belonging and homeliness in Fiji, but I suppose only a small part of me felt that way. I was only beginning to establish my relationship with that place, and relationships take a long time to grow. Probably, if I had been there longer, Fiji would have become an even better "home" for me, but it would never be the only home in my mind. For instance, I was talking with Mike, the resident missionary near the mission, when he said something along the lines of, "You know, you get used to the way of life out here - it's a lot different from the way things run back home." Wait. He had been there for about a year, but it still wasn't home for him. The mere fact that Fiji was his place of residence did not mean that it was his home, and I see truth in that.

On one of the last days before leaving Fiji, I decided that I was ready to be home. Home, in Phoenix, with my family. People tell me I'm a very homely person - that I love to be home. How true that is. I suppose I can give you a summary of what happened.

I got home, watched my sister graduate, hung out with my family, had this one girl over, went rafting, played some volleyball, and bought a truck.

Moving on.

Ha.

I was only actually home for a week, but I really appreciated the time there. Home, the place I spent ten years of my life. Only ten years, though. What about those other 8? Home then was 583 West Magdalena. Which, after all these years, I still see as home, at least for part of me. In the same way, part of home will always be right next to South Mountain. What makes those places home, though?

Family. With my family, I fit. It may not always be extrinsically pretty, but we all feel a sense of homeliness when we're together. Even if they move away, I like to think I'll still feel at home with them.

And sometimes, feeling at home is a lot more important than physically being home. I left home to return to my other home - Pepperdine. And I have to build home for myself, now. Living in the apartments brings a sense of independence that forces me to own what I'm blessed to call home for the next three years. I was pretty stinking lonely when I first got here for the summer. And those feelings carried into the next week. Being busy helped distract me from how I felt, but the whole time, there was an underlying sense of not quite fitting in. Pepperdine is a different place in the summer, and it wasn't quite as homely as it was for me during the year.

But then something interesting happened. SOS. A bunch of homeless people - misfits, if you will - with whom I can feel at home. It blew my mind how I felt more at home with people who had no place to live than I did in my apartment. God works in beautiful ways. Since I care so deeply about this issue, you can ask me personally, as I don't think my written words could do any justice. But, while I'm writing about SOS, they can always use donations, used to buy things like coats, sleeping bags, and food for the homeless in the Santa Monica/Sunset Boulevard area. Here is the link.

Being home with homeless people brings me to my final thought. While home can exist in physical places, home ultimately is where the heart is. Yes, it's a cheesy saying, but there is simple, elegant truth in those words. Home should be a place of love, and God is love, so ultimately, our home is with God. I hope that doesn't seem too cliche. But whatever. God is our home. And that will never change.

Also, for the record,

I know what homely means.

Unwind

DISCLAIMER:

I published this post, then hid it with the intention of revising it. Now, I don't think I'll revise it. I'll just re-publish it without reading it. Because putting uncensored personal information on the internet is always a great idea. I originally wrote it at about 11:30pm on my first night back from Fiji. With that said, don't judge me.

Well, I figure I should give everyone an update on how things were in Fiji. Because I'm home and pretty much everyone is in bed, I'm bored. Being out of the country for three and a half weeks with nothing to do at night except hang out with people and write emails and blog posts has taken its toll on me. Since, as I mentioned previously, errybody gone night night, I'm left here with nothing much to do except inform the interwebs of how I'm doing. Because they're not real. And, apparently, I am. Who would've thought?

What I Learned

The original intent of this post was going to be all about what I learned on my Fiji trip. The idea comes from a former pastor, Tom Shrader, who would give a sermon or two each summer titled "What I learned on my Summer Vacation." I sat down to write something along those lines, but realized that it's out of grasp at the moment. Maybe someday. Know that I learned a lot, and that I will gladly discuss some or all of it with you, but I don't think the internet needs that much personal information. Guarding myself, ya dig?

Basically, the biggest things I learned were that...

Nathan is prideful. And I don't like that. Thankfully, God really used this trip to teach me just how humble I need to be. Except I probably didn't get it all and will need even more reminding at a later date.

and

Intentionality is good. The first time I heard the word "intentional" used in this context was probably by my cousin Daniel and his wife, Kristin. The pastor at their wedding talked about how "intentional" they were in all of their relationships. Honestly, I thought the term was kind of weird, as I didn't see any way a relationship could be unintentional. But then I went to college and learned that relationships require work. I learned what it meant to take a deep interest in the lives of others for the mere sake of building community with those people. I'm reading Soul Cravings at the moment (finally, after more than a year of trying to knock it out, I've picked it up with the intention [get it?] of finishing it), and in this book, Erwin McManus talks about love. He says lots of good things and focuses on the idea that human beings are relational. In fact, I know someone who probably could have written a few sections of this book, and I think that's pretty cool. Anyways, over the short period of three weeks, I built some pretty solid friendships -not on my own, mind you- with people I barely knew. And all it took was a little effort. Asking meaningful questions. Actually caring about the answers. And so on.

And I'm still figuring out exactly what happened in the month of May. May 2, 2010 never happened, and I left Fiji just now 24 hours ago. It hurts my brain to think about it. Anyways, I'm home, and it's great to be back. Looking forward to the little time I have with the family. Going rafting this weekend after the sister graduates on Thursday. And the week is packed.

And I think I'm super jet lagged. Woooooo.

If I can leave you with anything meaningful, I would encourage you to do these two things:

1) Be intentional. Ask questions. Care.

2) Read Matthew. That Jesus guy blows my mind.

3) Get sleep. I don't think this post was coherent. I'm probably tired. Like I said, Woooooo.

Laundry List

This title could have a dual meaning, I suppose. (a) I could be referring to what these posts have been for me lately, or (b) I have a lot of dirty laundry here, much of which I will be leaving for the Fijians to distribute among themselves. It's been a great trip thus far, but I'm just about ready to head home. Looking forward to the 20+ hours of travel that await me on Tuesday. Now for the laundry.

Friday.

My last post was written on Friday, but that was before 7a.m. So here goes. Friday was my last day teaching at the Vatuvonu Seventh Day Adventist school, and it was great. I actually felt like I got things done with the third grade, and we had an official welcome/goodbye ceremony during lunch, which the Fijians prepared for us. It was so nice to see how much they gave us, when we were clearly not the ones in need of food. I have to admit, the chicken and chicken curry were fantastic. I fully expected to get some kind of parasite from eating it, but it was definitely -definitely- the right choice. I think. Unless I die in the next week or so. Whatever. I write rather cynically about this despite how touching it was because I'm being eaten alive by mosquitoes as I sit here. But this is a laundry list and the internets aren't real, so ask me about it in an email or on the phone or something. Yeah.

Saturday.

Woke up, ate breakfast, went back to Vatuvonu for the Seventh Day Adventist church service. Once again, Siwa translated for me (and Matt this time). This service was special because the Vatuvonu church and the Buca (pronounced "Butha" as in "bootha") church had a combined service, and there were baptisms afterward. I love baptisms, and the Fijian ones were no exceptions. But they were much, much, much more somber. No clapping or cheering or anything. I guess a gospel choir did sing as the baptismees (yes, that's a word. Okay, maybe not.) waded into the ocean, but it was much different from the American baptisms I have witnessed. Either way, I really enjoyed seeing people make public professions of faith, even if I couldn't understand what they said.

After that (and a dog fight that interrupted the baptism ceremony), we packed our things and headed to Taveuni for some natural water slides. Which, as you can probably guess, were awesome. Nothing says fun like the risk of broken limbs and bruises from sliding down something rocky. But really, I had a blast, and I made some Fijian friends. Which, for those of you who don't know, was a big step for me. I normally don't introduce myself to strangers and try to get to know them, but I tried it, and it was great. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have known that it was okay to slide down the much larger waterfall at the top despite how dangerous it looked. Good things come to those who do stupid things. I think that's how the saying goes. But I digress. After the water slides and only a few minor (and one major [don't worry, that one was already bad from the volcano hike]) bruises, we headed to Rainbow Reef to spend the night.

Rainbow Reef was beautiful and relaxing, which was nice after such a loaded week. There were lots of good conversations and group bonding times, as well as a few individual conversations that were fantastic. And I got to sleep in a hammock on the beach. In Fiji. Ridiculous.

Sunday.

Woke up, sat around at Rainbow Reef. Once again, fantastic. Then, some volleyball and football and back to Natuvu. Almost puked on the boat ride, but made it back safely, and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just relaxing with friends here, listening to the rain. Oh, and I got to have meat in 5 of my last 8 meals. I feel great. Except now I'm being eaten by bugs.

Tomorrow is basically going to be packing and goodbyes, as far as I know, but it should be good. Just about ready to be home. For those of you who have been in contact with me, I will not be checking my email until I get back to the states. Then, I hope to make a post about all I've learned here. God is so good. Goodbye.

Farmer's Tan

I have a great one. That is all.

Winding Down Was Never So Busy

As Dr. Nelson said, this last week was going to be sort of a relaxed week. Everyone would have to find some way to keep busy, since the clinic would only be open Monday through Wednesday. Was. This week has been just as, if not more, busy than both the other weeks. I'm exhausted. And I love it. The time frame for this trip has been good. So,in the tradition of my previous posts,

Friday.

Savu Savu. What makes 5-6 hours of crowded bus travel worth it? One tiny little slab of meat known as a burger. Yes, I think I might have gone to Savu Savu (the closest big town) if the only thing I knew I could get was a cheeseburger. We were that deprived of meat, and any good source of protein, for that matter. Overall, I enjoyed buying things (saying "shopping" doesn't sound manly enough) there, such as pink and yellow ice cream, $1 bottles of Fiji water, a sulu vaka tanga, and various other things. The only downside was feeling too much like a kai palangi, or white person, or tourist. Take your pick.

Saturday.

Brother Moses, the mission's mechanic, spoke at the Vatuvonu Seventh Day Adventist church. Siwa translated for me and John Buie, which was much appreciated. The sermon was about giving of yourself sacrificially, which some of the Fijians seemed to take to heart. Jesse (pronounced "chess-ay") invited John and me to eat lunch at the house where he and Siwa and a few others live. Naturally, we accepted. It was one of those little things I mentioned in an earlier post. These people had so little, but they gave up some of what they had just to commune with us. We had a great time just sitting there, eating slowly and talking. Rob Bell writes in his book Velvet Elvis, which I just finished reading, that Christians need to master the art of a long meal. Someone else I know always talks about that, too. Well, I think I experienced a taste of that, and I was rocked by Jesse and Siwa and their generosity

Saturday part II.

I hiked/climbed/scrambled to the top of a volcano and slept there. On top of a bunch of fire ants. Under a leaky tarp. And rain poured down. It was sweet. I hiked the whole way up and down with a machete. And didn't cut any limbs off. Woot. Matt and I lost the trail on the way down, so we hacked our own trail until we found a creek, which we then followed until we found the trail. And the best part was how much I learned about myself in the following 12 hours.

Sunday.

I sang "Lord I Give You My Heart" by Michael W. Smith and Hillsong and countless other Christian artists in front of everyone before movie night. WHAT. I don't sing in front of people, but Brother Matt wanted to, so we did. And it didn't necessarily make sense to sing at that time, but that was okay. God taught me a ton there. Prideful Nate needed to die. Ask me about it sometime.

Monday.

Clinic in the morning, and I got to assist with a cyst removal surgery, which basically meant that I held a flap of skin back with forceps while the surgeon did all the work, but it was still pretty cool. And you get to wear those cool masks and hats, which I think is probably the only reason people become surgeons in the first place. Or maybe not. Heh. After lunch, I went back to read in my room while waiting for the doctors to get back from one of the neighboring villages. And I woke up at 5pm. Maybe I needed a nap? Apparently not, because I couldn't fall asleep until midnight that night. Alack,

Tuesday-Thursday.

I group these days together because I've done pretty much the same thing every day. In the mornings, I teach third grade at the Vatuvonu school... Which may sound impressive, but there are maximum three students, Sairusi, Jesoni, and Timena. I teach them maths before recess, such as the concepts of ones, tens, and hundreds, rounding, multi-digit subtraction, etc. Then I go to recess and play Buca, which I've come to believe is named after one of the fourth graders, but maybe I'm just crazy. It's basically a mix of tag, capture the flag, and footracing. I like it, but those kids are FAST! I'm exhausted and sweaty every day, but I love it. After recess is third grade reading and spelling, then back to the mission for lunch. After lunch, I tutor an 8th-grade student, Nemesio, who has never been taught well, so the teachers say he's a "special" case, which isn't really true at all. He's incredibly smart. This week, I've taught him concepts starting as basic as multiplying fractions to multiplying multiple-digit numbers to long division, and he seems to understand them all. And the best part about teaching these kids? How much they LOVE to learn. They all actually ask for more homework, because they like it. WHAT? That blows my mind. I'm blessed to be with them.

I lied, I did have some differences in each day. So,

Tuesday.

I covered morning worship devotions in lieu of Mr. John Buie, who had spent the night in Savu Savu. Lately, I've been reading through the gospel of Matthew, and I've been loving it. This past semester, I fell in love with the sermon on the mount. And when I read it again sometime this trip, it once again blew my mind. So I spoke about Matthew 5:43-48 on Tuesday morning, which is about loving your enemies. I had been struggling with loving people on this trip, so I spoke about it, which, in turn, forced me to practice what I preached. Yay. And God has helped me with it. The craziest thing, though, about that passage I mentioned (in my opinion), is the last verse, which reads, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." WHAT. That seems a little difficult to do, which might just be the point. We can't do it on our own. If we try, we will fail. Only God can provide the kind of thinking that Jesus teaches - loving enemies, sacrificing our own comfort for orphans and widows. I'd love to talk about it in more depth with you.

Wednesday.

Don't remember much, other than feeling exhausted and getting an email from the mothership about home events, which was nice.

Thursday.

Pretty much the same as the other days, but last night, I got to practice my mastery of the art of a long meal. I had finished eating, but Mesake and I had a great conversation while Brother Matt ate the leftover fish heads and rice from dinner. Great things happen when you're intentional about getting to know people on a deeper level. He had a great story of faith and struggle, and I really respect that man. With dreads like that, who couldn't? Did I mention that he used to play on the Fijian national rugby team?

Friday.

Today, I woke up at 5:45 with Matt to film the sunset for the IP promo video, but I think that failed. I'll just get up early again tomorrow. And I wrote this blog post. Later, it's off to school for more of the same, but they're throwing the kai palangi teachers a party, which will be interesting.

Summary.

It's been a crazy week. This post covered most of the highlights, but probably didn't hit everything. As always, if you want more detail, I'm glad to share. Hopefully, when I get back to the states, this blog can become more insightful and less of a laundry list of what I've done. I hope you've enjoyed reading.

If I can die doing it,

I should probably try it. Okay, not really. Not everything I've done here has had a probability of death. But there has been the chance for serious injury or medical complications. And I realize that by writing this post I may be giving my mother a heart attack. Sorry, Mom. Sam, go do stupid things. Mom likes that. Anyways,

Monday.

Joseph Liao (the genius/mega-athlete/dancing fiend) and I went to Tukavesi for a day in the government health clinic with Dr. Samuel. It was eye-opening and somewhat boring. But overall, a good experience, since I got to diagnose a patient and prescribe treatment. For some reason, the common condition seemed to be URTI (upper respiratory tract infection), with the exception of one case of scabies and one baby with an umbilical cord problem. Kids who went on other days said that Dr. Samuel diagnosed common disorders each day (such as typhoid or scabies), so maybe he just picks one for the day and uses it, since the treatment is pretty much the same: paracetamol (acetaminophen for you Yankees) and antibiotics. His accent when saying "paracetamol" was fantastic, and I can be easily persuaded to mimic it. He also giggled a lot. And I can imitate his giggle. Heh. Oh. And I talked to my mom for Mothers' Day. Woot.

Tuesday.

Ridiculous. I witnessed another surgery. This time, a plastic surgeon removed a coconut-sized lump from a man's back. And he was awake the whole time. For those of you who don't know, that's a LOT of Lidocaine. Lauren (Parker) pointed out a great thing about the Fijian culture. Everyone here is so thankful. Tangent coming. While this man was still on the operating table with a huge hole in his back (after the lipoma was removed), he started to sit up and thank each of us. WHAT. I'm going to miss the friendliness of the Fijian culture. Here, it's almost rude to NOT say hi to strangers. I like it here. If I were to do that in America, I think I might get weird looks and confused responses from strangers. ... So. After the surgery, I was able to actually do some service, which helped me feel a lot better. And I got to play volleyball with a bunch of Fijians I didn't know at all. Also, the stars are beautiful here. Ridonkulous. Even though there wasn't a whole lot of danger today.

Wednesday.

I got to (volunteered the first week) to lead devotions today. Thankfully, God challenged me with my own words. I read from Luke 22:24-30, John 13:1-17, and James 1:28(? - this one was from memory). So I had to make sure I lived up to my own challenge and make myself least among my peers. It feels right, and I thank God for that. Since Julian (the Toomas' son) was meeting the president of Fiji (WHAT.), we had a group pow-wow instead of working on the greenhouse. That was nice. Big Joe said something interesting, "If you have the ability, you have the responsibility." We'll see what repercussions those words have in my life. God is good. And in the afternoon, the clinic was overcrowded, so Matt and I went to help build Mike's house.

He wins for coolest house ever award. And building it was just about as cool, since there was that danger that I mentioned earlier. Nothing says fun like operating power tools while balanced on beams 15-20 feet above ground. Doing carpentry made me miss my dad, though. Dad, FYI, it is rumored here that you are Odysseus, commander of the waters. I'll explain that one to you later. Night time meant more danger. Brother Matt, one of the locals, took Matt, the Texas one, and me spearfishing. At night. WHAT. Crazy. I got three or four fish, and Matt matched me, but he also speared a lobster. Yikes. And it was a rather late night- 11p.m. So I'm tired today.

Today - Thursday.

Very relaxed. Saw a Fijian funeral procession and finished reading Dune. Tonight, we have GenY. Tomorrow, a trip to Savu Savu to buy machetes and sulus. Woot.

Once again, I conclude that I'm blessed beyond belief.

And I'm thankful for that little spice of danger that keeps popping up in my life.

Titular Overload

No, not like that. Look it up in a dictionary. Tee hee hee. Since this week has probably been the most ridiculous week of my life, I couldn't pick a title for one all-encompassing blog post. It's been so crazy that I have to have my journal by my side as I write this in order to make sure I don't miss anything. Anyways, I think I'll try to organize this post into sub-sections, each titled separately. I'll start from the beginning. Or from whatever I remember most clearly. Yeah. We'll see.

Goodbye

So, I've concluded that I don't like saying goodbye. I like people and miss them when I have to bid farewell. But I always have the internets to comfort me and connect me with people. That's almost like a real relationship. Aaaaand I'm sarcastic and cynical. Done with that section.

The Game

If Dylan, Cameron, or Tom is reading this, I hope you just lost. But I'm not talking about that game. If you didn't catch that reference, ask one of those lovely young gentlemen what the game is or visit this site to learn more. But I digress.

This here trip in Fiji is supposed to be a "Medical Missions" trip. We're here to do medicine and help the people of Fiji while learning more about "our potential career paths" (I use quotation marks because not everyone here is pre-med, and I don't really like that part of the purpose). I really like helping the people of Fiji, but I want to actually do things in the clinic that are helpful. This week, I saw three eye surgeries - two cataract removals and one cornea transplant. All of which were NUTS. Side note: I considered "NUTS" for the title of this whole post, but I thought that it was to close to the title of my first post ever. The reason I mention these surgeries is because, while they were amazing to see, I didn't really get to do anything to help people for that. And now the game comes into play.

On Wednesday (I think?), Marta (one of the mission's owners/founders) told us (at Dr. Nelson's request) that we need to be assertive and pushy in doing what we want in the clinic. We need to be aggressive, making sure that WE get the best positions and viewpoints, preventing others from doing the same to us, because that's what med school would be like. I cringed. Hard. I don't like that game. I want to help people, not advance my own career, an idea I mentioned in my previous post. Can't we practice some courtesy, letting everyone experience the cool things? For that very reason, I bowed out of the cataract surgery early. It was cool, but I wanted to help people. And I was blessed for doing that. Instead, I thought I could be assertive in a different direction - I was able to follow Dr. Tooma (Marta's husband - the other founder and owner of the mission) and meet with patients, help them feel comfortable, help remember their information. And I LOVED it. I felt like I was actually helping, and I was letting others do the cool thing. But the kicker? I was doing something I thought was cool. I like that part of the game. Cool.

"I know that I'm filled to be emptied again"

Someone close to me talks of wanting to be filled each day with life, to go out and live, and come back empty, waiting for God to fill again. I've felt full and empty this week. I've gotten more sleep here than I probably got in my entire freshman year of college. Just kidding. Don't freak out, Mom. But I have gotten lots and lots of sleep and yet I still feel exhausted at the end of each day. There has been a broad spectrum of experience here. Exhausting days. Relaxing days. Crazy days. Lots of those. Which brings me to my next section.

The Toilet DOES Flush Backwards

Yes. It's true. Here, south of the equator, toilets flush backwards. Sinks drain the wrong way. I know what you're thinking. "This man cannot speak truly! He must be mistaken. There cannot be another way to drain water besides the way I know so dearly." Verily, I say to you. It is so. Toilets flush in a clockwise fashion. I think the main reason I wanted to come to Fiji was to verify this concept, but don't tell my parents that. But seriously, I was brushing my teeth last night and remembered - I hadn't checked yet! I hadn't checked yet. I wrapped up the craziest week of my life. What's that you ask? You want to know about my week? I haven't told you? Well, this may be a bit unorthodox, but I'll interrupt this part of my post to give an update of *nearly* everything that's happened this week.

Is This Real Life?

And now I may be a bit redundant. I'm in Fiji. The first day I got here (after the initial day of travel), I worked in the clinic, where I watched two cataract removal surgeries. Crazy. I really appreciated that the surgeon, Dr. Johns, prayed before operating. I had caught myself relying on medicine to help and save these people, when God is actually the one in control. Nice catch, God. After that, things got even crazier.

My group hopped in the back of a pickup for a quick ride down the Fijian coast. I got to stand the whole way, except if we saw a police or other government vehicle. Then, we pulled into a clearing, got out, and followed Mesake (I asked him for the spelling) into the jungle. He hacked a path for us with a machete, only stopping to point out landscape, give us some food (fresh coconut or cocoa pods), or help the stragglers. We scaled a rock wall and climbed up to a cave. Caves are cool, right? This was a cannibal cave with about 20-30 sets of human bones inside. I held a human skull in my hand, reinforcing the idea that we are not our bodies. It didn't feel real. After that, we climbed (slipped and slid) down, where I got to enjoy the nice Fijian creek nearby. The waterfall was nice, but small. Day 1 - done.

We started work on a greenhouse for the mission. Joe and I would make terrible masons. Then in the afternoon, I followed Dr. Tooma around in the clinic. You already read about that, except I'll add that I was able to meet and comfort a small boy named Jone ("choan-ay") who could not see in his left eye. He would have surgery the following day. Day 2 - Done.

Day 3 was pretty simple, but here's where I really started to feel emptied. I was exhausted. But I did get so see Jone, who thanked me. He thanked me, when I had so little to do with helping him. I was so touched, but writing about it here doesn't do it justice. Just know that I was pretty impacted. You can ask me about him, if you like. Anyways, Quick walk to Mesake's farm to farm some cassava (a plant whose roots look like large, mutant potatoes). Quick nap before lunch, another one after, then back to the greenhouse. More masonry! But this time, all I had to do was set the bricks down - no dealing with mortar. It's looking good so far. At night, we joined Mike (man down here running the mission with his family), his family, and some Fijian natives for GenY (pronounced "jen why"), a gathering very similar to an American youth group. It was great to see that we all serve the same God. The speaker shared his testimony, which was good, but one particular thing stuck out. He mentioned chasing after other peoples' dreams and the emptiness there. I may write a later post on this subject, or you can just ask me about it when you next talk to me. I got a lot of reading done.

Reading is good - I'm solidifying my claim in the nerd kingdom by rereading Dune, then reading the rest of the series. Don't hate.

Oh, p.s. Mesake gave me a machete on Day 3( - done).

I went scuba diving in Fiji. WHAT. That is all. I'm laughing at myself for how crazy that is. Yes. I went scuba diving in Fiji. Once in a lifetime (maybe?) chance - had to take it. I'm in Fiji, so I may as well experience it. Day 4 - done.

We then went to Taveuni (the second island we landed on initially) and hopped on a bus to the other side. I peed behind a building. Sra. Annibal (spelling) told me it was okay, since the bathroom line was very long. Don't know why I'm posting this on the internets. Whatever. Anyways, got to our destination, ate a gluten sandwich (for Marylyn and Anna, if you ever read this, it was pretty nasty. Don't feel neglected), which wasn't the tastiest, but it was food. So I ate it.

Then, I hiked to three separate waterfalls, swimming in the pools below numbers two and three. I even got to jump off the third one. It was so beautiful. Good good good good good day. Now comes the aforementioned toilet flush experience. I showered for the first time in over 72 hours. Once again, don't hate. Then I flushed the toilet, which brings me to the rest of

The Toilet DOES Flush Backwards

After the most ridiculous week of my life, I was still almost as impressed and amazed by the simple fact of reverse drainage as the rest of my experiences this week. Which, in itself, kind of blew m mind. After all the madness this week, I was still amazed by something simple. Something (not so?) elegant. God's beauty is huge - Fijian coast, jungle, coral reefs, mountains - but it is also small - a thank you from Jone, taking afternoon naps, flushing backwards. God is good.

Loose Ends

Though I feel like that last section would pretty well end the post, I have to add a few things.

1. I like hearing about your lives back in the states. I may not respond in detail to what you send me, but I like to know you're all alive. Email me!

2. I want meat. Everything served here is vegan, with the occasional sliver of meat or fish. I won't complain, though.

3. Don't take it personally if my emails aren't very long.

a.) The tubes are clogged here (for Cameron). For everyone else, that means that the internets are (read: the internet is) colossally slow. Yeah.

b.) Being online requires being outside during free time, which occurs before and after dinner. Since I like to play volleyball with the natives (thug life) before dinner, I do most of my internet-ing after. Which means that it is dark. Which means that there are bugs. Which means I get bitten about once for every minute I spend out here. It's joyous. And I also sacrifice group or sleep time.

4. I forgot to mention that I went to a Fijian Catholic church this morning. So good, though I didn't understand a word of it. I wore a Sulu. Look it up. The walk back was good (we got a ride there), but I'm worried that I may have picked up a slight Texas accent courtesy of Matt and John, since I spent at least an hour listening to them banter about the great nation they call home. That's beside the point. God did some work on me despite the language barrier. I'm selfish. That's basically what I realized. Okay. Enough.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading about my life, because it took a lot of effort to write this (sacrificed slackline time). I hope all is well. Peace.

Time Travel

So,

I'm in a different country. As far as I know, May 2, 2010 never happened. So weird. But that's okay, I like it here. Fiji is absolutely beautiful. Even walking out to our little plane this morning, I was astounded by the gorgeous landscape. Things run differently here - punctuality doesn't matter. But some people already live like that *COUGHICANTTHINKOFANYONETOBASHONBUTIFEELLIKEIFITAPPLIESTOYOUYOUSHOULDTAKEITPERSONALLYCOUGH* ... We spent hours waiting for all our travel arrangements to work out, but it's okay. I got to play volleyball in Fiji with some natives. My life is awesome. I feel God working. Though it's great to be here with friends, I've met some great people by forcing myself to go in different groups. One of those, Mesaki (spelling), is awesome. I'll try to get a picture with him by the end of the trip. I asked for prayer regarding being friendly to others, and God came through, giving me opportunities to extend myself.

On another note, I don't want this trip to be about the story it adds to my resume. I'm worried that the sponsor thinks only in terms of resume supplements and recommendation letters. I care about these people. They are real. Even though being here does not seem so. Is this real life?

Lauren is waiting for the computer. I'm out. Maybe I'll post again later.

Ridiculous.

This is my blog. I'll try to keep people updated on my life, and occasionally share random thoughts that hold little significance. Because that's what blogging is for. And that's the way the bloggers do. I am now a blogger. Ridiculous.